Missing my grandmother so much lately. This music reminds me of her and I cant even say why. She has been gone several years now but that longing never really goes away. She lives on in my heart and I  feel lucky to have had what time I did with her. Being the oldest grandchild I had the chance to see her in her young age (well young to me anyway). She was energetic and loved the good things in life. She always said she was a city girl so if you can imagine a city girl marrying a country boy that was her relationship with my grandfather. She was to sophisticated for him but none the less she stayed with him. We never really got to know her family because she came from Boston and my grandfather moved her out here to California when their children were young. But I hold her stories close to my heart. Her stories have a vivid picture in my mind of a place far far away from the world I know. In her last days here on earth I seen how she suffered and it scared me. Its hard to explain just what was going on with her. She was up in age and sick most of the time her heart was failing and other ailments taking hold of her body. The last few days are the ones that stick with me. She stopped eating and the doctor had her so sedated that she would just sleep but when she would wake up she freaked me out. When she would wake up she would start to reach out for my hand and keep calling for me like she was scared. I had never seen her like that before and it scared me but I would just grab her hand and hold it as tight as i could and tell her I was with her and she was okay. After a few minutes of this squirming and calling my name she would fall back to sleep and peace would come to her again. I wondered why this was happening to her for the longest time. I came to my own conclusions about this.  I am not sure others will agree with it but does it really matter. Maybe it does matter maybe it doesn't  What I do know for sure is I have found no other person that measures to the sophistication of my grandmother. She was loved and still is.